header photo

Total Quality Reading

Stories are our business ™




Are you Holding? = "do you have any capital on your person presently?"

Borgesed = being amazed, mystified or bemused.

Broker = What Boligard Doomey wants to be known as instead of a Capital Manager because he thinks he is some kind of special or something.

Call me Sally and Slap my Ass = "I was really impressed by this capital asset." "This is the best capital I've examined all month."

Capital [slang: cap] = stories.

Capital Manager = editorial staff of TQR.

Capital Gains = the education and/or aesthetic value gained from reading a story. Also the title of TQR's treasure trove of quarterly stories.

Carpet Bombed = the condition of being overwhelmed by an abundance of capital. Usually uttered by an overworked Terminali. Carpet Bombing =the act of deluging (usually the Terminali) someone with numerous ventures for vetting.

Captain Kirked / Kirking = Innovating like nobody's business / Trailblazing / Going where no man [transvestite, transgender, eunuch, hermaphrodite and/or woman] has gone before. Archaic: Getting it on with the ladies.

Casualty = a Capital Manager that does not survive the tenacious neck-snapping antics involved with all things TQR. 

Crapital = Capital with an "r" or crappy stories 

The Enron of E-zines = first slogan of TQR. Vehemently voted down by investors and staff alike. Happily relegated to the dustbin of herstory, although a few staff members will accidentally let it slip from their keyboards from time to time.

Floorite = those that work on the floor, a subculture of TQR.

Goodstuff = capital of high quality.

Grok = from Robert A. Heinlein's novel Stranger in a Strange Land, meaning "to understand something so well that it is fully absorbed into oneself" (; often misspelled Grock which has a multitude of other meanings.

Jack the cosmos = mess with someone's (usually a VC) mind.

john/janeVC = the term of endearment all venture capitalists receive until their ventures rise to the exalted level of capital gain
I'm a businessman = Fuck you -or- Pardon me, depending on context of usage, which is hardly ever easily inferred.

Investors = readers of TQR (they are investing their valuable time).

The Monkey = TQR, the whole kit and kaboodle.

PCG = Prospective Capital Gain.

Schrodinger's Cap = The fact all capital ventures have already been written due to the kinetic energy latent -- and yet already fired off like a cannon in this best of all possible worlds --  inside the minds of all creative imaginations across the universe.   

Slap my Ass and Call me Sally = see Call me Sally and Slap my Ass

Sugar = adjectives, as in overuse of; Example of Usage: "This capital has too much sugar, it made me vomit."

Terminali = those algorithms and assorted sentient electronic impulses that vet capital in the Terminal.

TQFB = Total Quantitative Faculty Burnout. A symptom of reading too many run-of-the-mill 'Literary' e-zines. The only known cure for this debilitating disease of the soul is heavy doses of TQR.

Touch/Touches/Touched/Touching the monkey = off the charts good. Usually used in relation to capital, but growing in popularity as a general, all-around superlative. Example of usage: "That new Green Day song touches the monkey, yo."

The Unzine = something cool that hasn't quite yet been defined, quite yet.

Venture Capitalist (VC)  = all those who contribute stories to TQR.