In SWFL we have an entire season of rain. In the summertime, without fail, we get daily rainfall. The trick is avoiding the afternoon downpours.
Then, as soon as the rains stop, the snowfuckers arrive. They arrive en masse, like locusts descending upon us. Can’t get into our favorite pizza joint for six months because there is a forty-five minute wait due to these winners sucking down all our cheesy goodness. Walmart is OUT of food because these winners rampage through the place buying everything that is not nailed down.
Don’t tell me that they are good for the economy. I find no correlation. If you can afford to spend six months off from work, you can afford to go to Publix. Get the hell out of my ghetto supermarket fuckers. But they don’t shop in the ritzy places. They leach off of our discount stores. I fear my next trip to Dollar Tree. It’s going to be snowfucker hell.
Downpour, yes, I’d like it to rain all season so these asshats have a shitty vacay. I would like a downpour to wash away the bastards.
As far as the cap, “Downpour” goes. It is a post-apocalyptic tale of a broken marriage and nuns. It chronicles a couple’s struggles to survive a world that is quickly being submerged.
The plot is okay. The grammar is only missing maybe one hyphen and some commas here and there. I think the flow suffers a little by the flashbacks that are not immediately obvious until you are a few lines into them. Also the following:
‘I can’t protect you here,’ he’d said.
For a moment, I thought we flashed back again, but it was Lisa quoting Robbie. I had to reread it a few times catch what was going on.
The dysfunction of the relationship parallels the misery of collapsed society. What one expects to be safe and comforting turns into danger and pain. It is a harsh reality they negotiate.
Overall, I liked the emotional content of the cap. It was a distinct downer and intentionally so. However, I can’t get past that it’s just another post-apocalyptic cap. The circumstances were not anything unique. It could have been set in any war-torn part of the planet today. I’m not damning it for that alone, but I feel that it’s missing something. So I have to say no. Maybe Rocks has a different opinion.
The topic has been locked.
Date: 2018/11/06 16:03
Rocks and Ms Rocks used to snowboard down to Florida, rent a condo, shop at Wal-mart and Dollar Store. But won't anymore. No no no. Rocks knows when he's not welcome. Florida can keep its traffic snarls, retarded television, spam phone calls from local jails, hurricanes and homeless to itself. Weed's not even legal. The only thing Rocks will miss is Waffle House. Rocks loves Waffle House. Except, of course, its waffles, which are heavy and doughy. The irony. Rocks will probably move to Nova Scotia. There's a reason Hell's hot. It's easier to escape the cold. Also, being way out east might buy an hour or so's respite from the pending Armageddon.
Which brings us to the cap under scrutiny here. Kind of a Noah's Ark thing but without all the animals. Just the Mr and Mrs trying to stay afloat and come to terms with the death of their baby, Ben. Little Ben, who crops up on pg 2:
But there were things she couldn’t think about, let alone put a brave face on. Ben.
and then isn't mentioned again until a flashback on pg 6:
‘He won’t stop crying’. Lisa’s arms ached from holding Ben.
Dead babies are, of course, always very sad. You can't really go wrong emotionally evoking a dead baby. Cannibalistic, evil, feminist nuns are a pretty safe bet too, if well written, which they are, which this entire piece is. In fact it held Rocks' attention pretty well. Yes, he started reading faster once he had the gist, but never skimmed.
The problem for Rocks, though, is that there are too many superfluous scenes. Like the dog who eats their sausages, causing great conflict and offering great opportunity for redemption and loving companionship, but then is abandoned, never to be seen again. The scene with Brad and Angelica was tenser than any involving the nuns, because it was hard to predict what would happen. It felt real. It felt ominous, threatening, interesting... but then all that happens is Brad and Angelica make off with some of Rob's and Lisa's beans and water, never to be seen again.
The whole thing feels more like an unfinished novel than a complete short story. The ending struck Rocks as a tad upbeat. One of those I'm-tired-of-it-now-so-let-me-just-tack-on-some-claustrophobic-poetic-paragraph-and-bail things. Yes, we've all done it. Also, after Lisa basically decides to abandon Rob to live with the well-fed, misandristic nuns, Rocks had a hard time forgiving her. But that's probably just personal baggage. Still, no. Almost, but not quite.