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Date: 2018/01/10 12:11 By: bulldust Status: Admin  
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Er, okay. The Bull wasn’t sure what to make of this. When a cap starts with “Curious Case”, you know there is going to be some wacky shit involved. Wacky shit is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, most of the Bull’s best adventures started with some wacky shit breaking out. Everything is quiet. All the peeps are chilling, then *WHAM* wacky shit. That’s when it all gets real. This is how the Bull ended up with that piercing. But we don’t talk about that. It was just one of those things.

But let’s get back to this cap.

First of all, we are missing a crap-ton of hyphens:

forty year old
great grandfather
red haired
middle aged
long dead

The other grammar stuff was normal missing commas, two words that should be one, etc. You know what I mean, regular stuff, but the hyphen thing needs a good inspection.

The premise that Kevin Klaag regularly becomes one of his deceased relatives, every seventh one a bad seed, was intriguing enough. It was enough to peak my interest. However, I found it lacked direction. Sure the fact that he was becoming different relatives was a good plot device, but a device is not the end product. We need more.

The cap needs more plot. Plus, ending the cap at the point that Klaag is staring back at evil eyes, ready to unleash any number of evil acts onto the world is a cop out. How does he deal with this? It’s like ending a television show’s season on a cliffhanger and never renewing the series.

I suppose it could end like this were there more fleshing out of the rest of the cap. As is it seems anemic. There needs to be more. The framework is there, waiting to be built upon.

This cap needs more time, more work. Once it is finished, this could be really good. But for now, no, it is not ready.
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Date: 2018/01/13 10:08 By: rockefeller Status: Admin  
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Posts: 175

Rocks read this a few days ago and has not forgotten it, which is usually good. It's about a guy who once a week or so wakes up as some dead ancestor. It's verified through medical examination and others' feedback that this is not an illusion, that he has actually physically transformed (though for some reason he continues to think that antipsychotic medications will help). And that's it. That's the story. Every week he wakes up and spends the day as some male or female forebear. This curious condition is never scientifically or metaphorically addressed.

It's as if the VC (who is a fine wordsmith) had this idea for a cap but then didn't know where to take it, so just kept repeating. Although Kevin retains his own memories and personality during these physical changes, there's the intimation that some of these people are evil and might influence him. But they never do. There's the suggestion that it might relate to his wife, Emily, whose death he's still grieving. But no connection is ever really drawn. Kevin Klaag, his curious condition notwithstanding, is more an observer than a participant in this cap.

In Kafka's Metamorphosis a man wakes up as a bug. Rocks has never read it (though he might now), but he has read other Kafka stories (In the Penal Colony is his favorite). There's a big difference between inspiring wonderment in a reader and simply saying to the reader: You figure it out. When the VC here figures out and shares with, or, even better, induces readers of limited mental capacity like Rocks to wonder and muse upon and, dare one say, care about, what it all means, this cap could really fly. But not as it stands. No.
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